Generic Spirit Story
As human beings continue to increase their understanding of gender and sexuality, many have begun to analyze their existence and gender identity through the lens of spirituality. Despite growing up in a community and household dominated by western ideas which insist that gender is inherently binary and entwined with biological sex, Kameron and Kellik like many other non-binary identifying people learned to expand their minds past the basic ideas fed to them by society. By doing so, they have freed themselves from the hierarchical binary system of thought and have begun to realize themselves on a more inclusive and individualistic level. They each tell us their stories through their own lenses, unfiltered and raw–as per usual. As we follow their stories, we begin to close the gap of dissonance that lies between the true understanding of gender identities and expression and the socialized identities we grew up with.
In the words of Kellik Dawson, “gender is a performance.” In that respect, we consume all of the expressions of gender that appear to us while growing up and compile that, adjusting ourselves “to what made you most comfortable and what made others comfortable with you.” Our immediate association with gender is that of the people we were raised by. In the average American and Christian family, the standard gender roles are reflected through the Feminine as the mother and the Masculine as the father. Growing up in a multi-generational household with very few men and a lot of women, Kellik found that “the people who were the most masculine were the women.” Despite this push against the grain, Kellik’s biggest introduction to spirituality was through their grandmother who grew up a devout Catholic. In this respect, the basics of the gender binary appear in both Kellik and Kameron’s stories. Kameron grew up in a very Christian home in which they “had to be what god wanted me (them) to be.” To Kameron’s family, the idea of masculinity was worshipped, and they were forced to be more masculine in order to seek love from an “all-knowing father who I knew did not love me.”
According to Kameron’s understanding of the religion as they experienced it growing up, “Christianity established hierarchies, forcing people to believe that you are superior to them or else their souls are in danger.” The idea of having a higher god to which you must pray to and please in order not to go to hell is very representative of the patriarchal systems of oppression we battle with on the daily. To Kameron, the idea that spirituality and your expression through gender are based on hierarchies and staying on top is a sort of, “spiritual abuse of power.” As practitioners of Ancient African Spiritual practices, Kameron and Kellik also have similar views on Christianity and western spirituality. To them, there is no cultural context within the western ideals, a very essential aspect in the practices of the Yoruba, Ifa, Santeria and other Ancient African spiritualities. These forms of spirituality have a strong connection to the past and ancestors hence the need for culture and community. The community is also just as important, Kellik believes that “western cultures idolize individualism so much to the extent where there no longer is an individual.” The sharp focus on only your track to the top, or to heaven tears away the key morals of community and family ultimately leading everyone to selfishness and individuality.
In Kellik’s eyes, the gender binary we have been socialized into believing contains a, “need to be on top.” They go on to describe the gay community and “tops and bottoms,” Tops would be more masculine; therefore, being the top, in some cases, would be more socially acceptable. Kameron believes that in order to eliminate the habit of hierarchy, humans must be able to, “manifest ourselves in different ways.” They believe that their gender is, “an amalgamation of who I am” a thought that was also expressed by Kellik in a different manner. When asked about their gender identity Kellik answered, “My name is my gender because it is the only thing that I definitely am.” As for breaking out of the gender binary mindset and allowing themselves to fully express their identity, Kellik commented: “You have to accept that you can’t win, once you realize you can’t win that’s when you do whatever it is you want.”
The release of a hierarchical fear-based spirituality lead Kameron and Kellik to find more religions that resonated with them and their beliefs better. When asked to define spirituality Kameron told me that spirituality is simply, “Our own personal and individualistic connection to the world around us and the world we cannot see with our five senses.” Kellik had a similar answer saying that spirituality is the act of “getting in touch with oneself in order to be in touch with everything around us.” Through the teachings of Ifa and Santeria, Kameron learned that the different deities in those religions were manifestations of the same entity. As that entity can manifest itself in different deities with different aspects, looks, and characteristics; humans can at the same time be able to express their existence in different ways, as well. They put this into their own context and came to the understanding of gender as “a tool we use to manifest our essence on this plane.”